Gender Inequality: It is the best of times, it is the worst of times - Part II

This is part II of my post last week on Gender Inequality.  You can read Part I here.

Moving up: Another moment that remains etched in my mind was a conversation I was having with my boss.  I had asked her why one of my peers had been promoted even though to me, it seemed I had contributed more to the team than him. "You don't have executive presence," she had said.  I remember thinking, better executive presence than strategic thinking.  But I also knew executive presence doesn't have a formula and is much harder to measure.  I am smaller in stature than nearly all my male colleagues. My voice is higher pitched.  I grew up in India which is a very hierarchical society.  It makes me overly prone to apologizing and not speaking up around people with bigger titles than me.

I don't mean to imply physical appearance and demeanor define executive presence.  Or that all people born in India have a harder time with executive presence.  But, I know personally, as a female minority who grew up outside the U.S., the odds are stacked against me when it comes to executive presence.

I know unlike pregnancy (Part I), this is not an issue unique to my gender. But in my experience, these executive presence discussions seem to happen with women more often than men.

Women, more so than men, are always struggling to balance being aggressive but diplomatic, being ambitious but not asking for credit, being assertive but not overbearing, being a leader but not a micro manager, wearing enough make up to look credible but not so much that it draws away from your competence...

I recently read an article titled, "If there's only one woman in your candidate pool, there's statistically no chance she'll be hired."  The gist of the article is being a lone female in the candidate pool "highlights how different you are from the norm. And deviating from the norm can be risky for decision makers, as people tend to ostracize people who are different from the group. For women and minorities, having their differences made salient can also lead to inferences of incompetence."  If you play a role in hiring in your organization, I highly recommend reading the article.  I think the premise of this article also applies to promotions and generally moving up the leadership chain.

In the months following the conversation with my boss, I became acutely aware of some of the derailers I needed to work on. I knew when I walked into a room full of executives, it felt uncomfortable for me. I knew often times, I had caught myself ending statements as questions. I was incredibly grateful to have received the feedback and all the literature my boss sent my way. Looking back, it was just the feedback I needed. In the years since, I have spent a lot of time observing men and women with (and without) executive presence (EP) and reading up on ways to build this elusive EP.  If this is something you are struggling with, start with some of the articles on my leadership page.  And take a course on Lynda.com titled "Developing Your Executive Presence."

For anyone looking to develop EP, I have summarized some things I have learned below.

1. People with EP are fully present at all times.  They are not constantly checking their phones, texting during meetings etc.  They make eye contact and engage others with kudos and questions consistently.

2. In meetings, people with EP speak decisively, respond when challenged, admit mistakes with strength, stay on course and keep it simple and concise.  Most importantly, they align pitch, pace and tone.

3. People with EP focus on being effective, not on being right.

4. People with EP focus on doing well for others, not on their own concerns.

5. Lastly, it is very hard, if not impossible, to have EP if you don't have a true passion for what you do.  And conversely, the more passionate you are about what you do, the easier it is to develop EP.

Over the next few years, I hope organizations realize executives (and EP) can come in different shapes and sizes.  And if they have team members that show thought leadership and the desire to be people leaders, that organizations invest time and resources in developing EP vs. withholding promotions from someone for not adhering to the norm.