Reframing three P's to build resilience at work
Having lost my father in 2014, Sheryl's 2015 post on Facebook 30 days after she lost her husband moved me in so many ways.
Sheryl took a concept she talked about in that post, "kicking the shit out of Option B when Option A is no longer available" and co-authored a book about it with Adam Grant.
In the first chapter of the book, with her husband's unexpected passing as the backdrop, Sheryl talks about three P's that made it hard for her to recover:
1. Personalization - the belief that we are at fault
2. Pervasiveness - the belief that an event will affect all areas of our lives
3. Permanence - the belief that the aftershocks of the event will last forever
Given my personal experiences with loss, she is spot on with what you feel in those first few days / weeks / months / years.
But these three P's also seemed very relevant to me in the context of going through a difficult phase in your career. Whether it's a new boss you don't seem to be on the same page with, a promotion that you lost out on or the stress of going through a layoff, these three P's often hold true.
How many times do situations like the above make you question your self-worth? How often do you let a bad day at work bleed into a bad evening at home? How often does it feel like because you lost out on one promotion or one job that you will be stuck in your career FOR-EVER?
This post is about shifting the paradigm of the 3 P's to build your inner core at work.
Personalization: Sometimes feedback can seem like a personal attack. Don't let it. Feedback is always good. I would rather get harsh feedback than get no feedback at all. When you get feedback or criticism, let it sit. Don't react immediately. Immediate reactions have never proved effective for me in the long run. Take some time to reflect on it. You don't need to agree with all of it but figure out which parts of the feedback are valid, which parts of the feedback are actionable and will ultimately help you become better at what you want to do. Don't be afraid to ask for help. Don't be afraid to admit your weaknesses. But also don't make feedback more than what it is. One person's view / opinion. Don't let it define you and your inherent capabilities and strengths.
Pervasiveness: A large part of your life is defined by your job. Its valid for your feelings about your job to bleed into your feelings about your life. But life is so much more than a job. As counter intuitive as this might sound, if things get hard at work, find a hobby. Finding meaning outside of work is so important to balancing your life and weathering the bad jobs you will no doubt have at some point in your life. And no, drinking wine at the end of the day is not a hobby :) haha.
Permanence: I have been in situations where I have wanted to leave a bad job but it has taken me forever to find the next fit. But, looking back, I have ALWAYS found the next fit. Each job I have had has taught me something no other job has. Accenture taught me professional etiquette and client relationship management in a way no other job has. Hewitt taught me how to manage offshore teams. Bank of America was my first foray into managing people with many more years of experience than me. West Monroe Partners taught me the importance of fiscal discipline in managing a project. Adobe taught me Web Analytics & Design. Walgreens taught me Digital Product Management & CX. Each job is a stop along the journey and treat it as such. Especially when things are hard and the future looks bleak.
As you move higher, problems will be bigger, less defined, far reaching and sometimes constantly changing. Resilience will perhaps be one of the hardest things you will need to master so you can conquer the big problems and not have the big problems conquer you.
If all else fails, read this book: The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck. Sometimes you have to disengage before you can reengage :)
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